Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
