im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
