I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Semen is not good for contacts.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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