That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize