He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
