Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize