There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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