3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize