i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
