I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
