is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
