Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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