She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize