Your face is a jimmy john
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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