at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
