Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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