$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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