he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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