There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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