This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
