did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
