Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
