I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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