Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
