His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
