who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize