my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
