every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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