Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
