Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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