She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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