that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize