Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
