I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
