Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
