4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize