dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
