So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize