I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
