She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
