god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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