Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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