I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
