is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize