He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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