Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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