I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize