please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
