cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
