Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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