I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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