Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Two words: blizzard sex
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
