i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize