We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
