Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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