you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
