I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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