My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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