whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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