I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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