I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
