When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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