people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
