Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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