Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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