i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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