i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
