I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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