We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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