so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
