I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
