he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
