before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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