My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
