you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
