So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
