My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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