Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize