if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
