If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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