Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
