you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize