we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He passed out mid-signature
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
