Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
