I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize