That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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