Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
