you guys were way drunker than both of me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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