I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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